Client Intake Questionnaire for Matchmakers: What to Ask and Why

A strong matchmaking intake questionnaire does not collect everything a person could disclose. It collects the minimum information needed to understand the engagement, prepare a truthful profile and begin a useful conversation.

The questionnaire is only one part of intake. A matchmaker still needs to explain why questions are asked, notice ambiguity and allow a client to decline or add context. This guide provides a structure, not a universal form or legal template.

Set a purpose for every question

Before adding a field, complete this sentence:

We use this answer to ____.

Valid purposes might include confirming service fit, respecting a non-negotiable boundary, planning search geography or preparing an approved profile. “It might be useful someday” is not a purpose.

Also decide:

• who can see the answer;
• whether it is required;
• whether it may be shared;
• how long it remains useful;
• how the client can correct it;
• what happens if the client does not answer.

If the team cannot agree on these points, remove the question until it has a defined use.

Use progressive intake

Do not ask a new enquiry to complete a 100-field form. Divide intake into stages.

Stage 1: enquiry

Collect a name, safe contact route, broad location and the service requested. This is enough to respond and assess basic fit.

Stage 2: qualification

Ask about goals, timing, availability, service geography and expectations. Explain scope and price before requesting detailed history.

Stage 3: engaged-client intake

After terms and privacy information are understood, collect the information required for search, screening and profile preparation.

Stage 4: interview and confirmation

Discuss important answers, resolve contradictions and agree on what will appear in a shareable profile. A submitted form is not automatically approved data.

Progressive intake reduces abandonment and limits unnecessary sensitive data when someone does not proceed.

Section 1: practical context

Start with factual questions that determine whether the service can operate.

Example prompts:

• What city and country do you currently live in?
• Which locations could you realistically consider for a relationship?
• What languages do you prefer for introductions and communication?
• What is your typical weekly availability for calls or dates?
• Are there travel, mobility or scheduling constraints we should plan around?
• What is a safe and preferred way to contact you?

Ask whether a contact channel is safe rather than assuming it is private. Do not request a home address unless a defined operational or legal need exists.

Section 2: objective and readiness

The goal is to understand why the person is seeking matchmaking now and whether expectations fit your service.

Useful questions include:

• What outcome are you hoping this engagement supports?
• Why does now feel like the right time?
• What would make the process valuable even before a long-term outcome is known?
• How much time can you commit to intake, introductions and feedback?
• What do you expect the matchmaker to decide, and what do you expect to decide yourself?
• Is there anything that would make you want to pause the process?

Avoid asking people to declare that they are “fully ready.” Readiness is better explored through specific expectations, capacity and behavior.

Section 3: relationship context

Ask only what informs the present engagement. A complete history is rarely necessary in a form.

Possible prompts:

• What have past relationships taught you about the partnership you want now?
• Are there recurring patterns you would like to handle differently?
• What does commitment mean to you at this stage of life?
• Are there current relationship, separation or family circumstances that affect dating availability?
• What pace of communication and commitment feels appropriate?

Offer a private interview for nuance. Avoid diagnostic labels and do not force a person to disclose trauma in order to access the service. If a response raises a safety or scope concern, follow a documented escalation process rather than improvising in ordinary notes.

Section 4: values and everyday compatibility

Broad adjectives such as “kind” and “successful” generate little differentiation. Ask about observable choices and tradeoffs.

Examples:

• How do you prefer to spend an ordinary free evening?
• What role do work and ambition play in your life?
• How do you make important financial decisions with a partner?
• How involved would you want extended family to be?
• What does a healthy disagreement look like to you?
• How important are religion or spiritual practice in daily life?
• What are your preferences regarding children and parenting?
• How do you balance social time and time alone?
• Which lifestyle changes could you consider, and which would create resentment?

Include “not sure” and contextual responses. Forced yes/no fields can manufacture certainty that an interview would reveal is conditional.

Section 5: preferences and boundaries

Separate three categories:

1. Boundary: a condition the person cannot responsibly proceed without.
2. Strong preference: important, but open to discussion in context.
3. Open dimension: not a meaningful selection criterion.

Ask clients to limit boundaries to genuine constraints. A long list can hide the needs that actually matter.

For each important criterion, ask why it matters. “Within 20 kilometres” could reflect caregiving responsibilities, commute tolerance or a rigid assumption. The correct search response differs.

Do not permit discriminatory preferences merely because they are framed as client choice. Review local law and professional standards. Explain what your service will and will not operationalize.

Section 6: profile material

Collect the facts needed for an accurate, approved introduction profile:

• preferred name and pronunciation;
• age or date of birth where genuinely needed;
• broad location;
• occupation described at an agreed level of detail;
• education and interests;
• relationship goal;
• relevant lifestyle context;
• recent, representative photos;
• a short self-description;
• information the client does not want disclosed initially.

Keep identity documents, screening evidence and private contact details out of the shareable profile. Store them in controlled locations, if collected at all.

Ask the client to review the actual profile before it is used. Approval should refer to a version and date.

Section 7: privacy and communication choices

A privacy notice alone does not tell the team how to act in a particular introduction. Capture practical choices:

• May we search only our internal network, or also contact professional partners?
• Which profile elements can be shown before mutual interest?
• When may photos be shared?
• May a candidate know your employer or only your field?
• Which channels may we use for routine and sensitive messages?
• May anonymized feedback improve our service?
• How should we handle your profile after the engagement closes?

Do not bundle unrelated choices into “I agree to everything.” Choices should be understandable and changeable.

The privacy-first profile-sharing guide offers a staged disclosure model for putting these answers into practice.

Section 8: safety and screening

Explain the checks your service actually performs. Then ask only the questions your documented process can handle.

Examples may include:

• Is the information in this form complete and accurate to the best of your knowledge?
• Is there a current relationship or legal circumstance relevant to your availability?
• Are there contact or meeting arrangements needed for safety?
• Is there information that would materially affect another person’s informed decision to meet?
• Do you understand the limits of our screening process?

A form answer is not verification. Conversely, a database check is not a guarantee of future behavior. See the screening and privacy framework for a risk-based approach.

Write questions that invite accurate answers

Prefer neutral language. Compare:

• Weak: “You don’t smoke, do you?”

• Better: “Do you currently use tobacco or nicotine products? If yes, what would be useful for a potential partner to understand?”

• Weak: “Why did your last relationship fail?”

• Better: “What did you learn from your most recent significant relationship?”

• Weak: “What is your perfect partner?”

• Better: “Which qualities and everyday behaviors help you feel respected and connected?”

Use examples sparingly; examples can anchor people to answers they would not otherwise choose.

Decide which fields should not exist

Do not collect:

• passwords or access to personal accounts;
• complete financial account details;
• medical records without a specific lawful and professional purpose;
• intimate images;
• information about third parties that is irrelevant to the service;
• copies of documents through unapproved channels;
• speculative psychological diagnoses;
• free-text secrets with no defined handling process.

Sensitive information requires more than a hidden field in a CRM. It needs a purpose, access boundary, retention rule and response plan.

Review the intake in conversation

Use the interview to check:

• Does the stated goal match the service purchased?
• Which preferences are boundaries and which are assumptions?
• Are there answers that conflict or need context?
• Does the proposed profile feel truthful to the client?
• Is the client comfortable with the disclosure sequence?
• Are there expectations you cannot meet?
• Is any specialist referral or service decline appropriate?

Summarize the agreed search brief in plain language and invite correction. Do not make the client interpret your internal scores.

Maintain information after onboarding

Information decays. Review practical facts and key preferences before each serious proposal and at a defined interval during long engagements. Record what changed and why.

After feedback, distinguish a stable preference from a reaction to one interaction. Update the search brief deliberately rather than allowing an automated system to infer permanent conclusions.

Audit questionnaire quality

Every quarter, review:

• completion and abandonment by section;
• questions frequently misunderstood;
• required fields often bypassed with meaningless text;
• fields never used in a decision;
• information repeatedly corrected in interviews;
• sensitive fields with excessive staff access;
• client feedback about intrusiveness or missing context;
• time from form submission to an approved profile.

Remove low-value questions. A shorter form can produce better data when clients understand why each answer matters.

Place the questionnaire inside a defined CRM workflow, with ownership, review and profile approval. The goal is not to build the most detailed record. It is to begin a precise, respectful professional relationship.